An edited version of this text appeared on the June 2006 issue of the Boston Haitian Reporter under the title: "Honoring Caring Haitian Fathers on Father’s Day" and subtitle "Celebrating the fathers who make a difference".

Mothers’ Day apparently gets more acclamation. Though I had a hard time finding a book on “Single Black Mothers,” given the divorce rate, the number of unmarried mothers, single mothers get more media attention than single fathers.

On the other hand, Black or Haitian men raising and beingsupportive fathers get limited media attention. As Fathers are beingremembered this month, I would like to feature several exemplary Haitian fathers. Two are single raising children alone. One is a married Haitian man whom I have observed for many years, but told me he is a very discreet man, not to mention his name. Even in anonymity exceptional Black fathers need to be highlighted. The late “Daddy Boomers” will be also addressed.

Many factors cause men to raise children alone. Being widowed like Civil War veteran William Smart, whose daughter Sonora Dodd started the first Father’s Day celebration in his honor on June 19, 1910, Haitian fathers also loose their wives. Many remarry, but some don’t.

For instance, last May in a two week time frame, there were three to four funerals of young Haitian mothers in the Metro North area. When I reflect back, I realize since the mid l980’s, I have been attending two sometimes seven funerals a year of Haitian mothers who have passed away between the ages of 25 and 43 leaving behind children from birth to 14 years old.

Observing my elementary students’ mothers dying from 1 to increasingly 7 a year, prompted me to question how are those fathers raising children alone? The causes of these young mothers’ deaths such as breast cancer, or some sort of carcinoma, brain tumours, aneurysm, stroke, cerebral haemorrhage, or some head ailments could be topics of research by the medical community, or other researchers.

In this month’s column, I want to call attention on Haitian fathers who are taking care of the children after those mothers have been buried, and those emotionally charged, or extravagant funerals are celebrated. It is left to know what mechanisms are available to protect, to meet the needs of these suddenly young underaged orphans, and how those single fathers are supported.

To sum my observation I wrote 4 years ago that prompted me to reflect on Single Fathers, in 25 years teaching elementary grades, I met one African American kindergarten boy, one Hispanic or Portuguese first grade girl, and one Jewish kindergarten girl whose mothers have passed away. I don’t know any white Anglo, Irish, Italian woman who had died and left kids between kindergarten and eighth grade. Usually, professionals in the Haitian communities don’t communicate. I learned last year that stress can cause cancer. Are Haitian women under a lot of stress? What is happening? One woman a year dying leaving young children is enough. But 3, 4, 5, 7 a year in my immediate Metro North environment should raise concerns. As fathers are being honoured this month, let’s say “Kudos” to Haitian widowed fathers who have supported their terminally ill wives for years and now raising young children alone!

Two unwed fathers Yves and Pierre Andre who are raising their out- of- wedlock children alone deserve some fanfare. Due to immigration policies, their common law wives could not migrate with them. Their diligence and caring attitudes are laudable. These men are always present when other teachers, or I call for meetings or any encounters about their three children. They show care by arranging after school care and changing their night shifts or jobs, so they can be home when those elementary school age children are out of school. Pierre Andre even combs his 5th grade daughter’s hair. Those fathers in their early 30’s fathers come to the school on their days off. They have the children maintain telephone contact with their moms. Once a year, Yves takes the three to Haiti to visit their mothers.

Richard, not the real name of the anonymous father alluded to above, cooks, cleans, even when his wife is off from her second shift job. Richard is also a soccer, or a basketball dad depending of the season. He juggles karate and ballet classes after his 9:00 to 5:00 day. It doesn’t matter if supper is ready at 10:00 or 11P.M as long as the kids’s homework are done after their after school curricula. Not every Haitian father is a “dead beat dad” who doesn’t financially supports his children. “Richard” also pays substantial child support to his first wife, maintains a cordial relationship with her and is close to his first college age daughter.

The late boomer Dads deserve some attention also. Teaching at the elementary level, the 5, 8, 14 year old uncles and aunts had me question the notion of Aunty Therese, or Uncle Luc. Recent interactions with 30 year old, 40 year old older brothers and sisters of 10, 12 year olds have left me as an educator bewildered. The implications are serious. Under age siblings had to be separated from their father and go live in different homes, because the children could not live in their father’s senior citizen apartment complexes. There are other cases where the child can not play, sit, or relate with children his or her own age because of constant interactions with 20, 30,40 year old adult siblings. As an educator, I know I can only discuss the child’s progress with the mother or father, especially when the father is available and living in the city.

I have reluctantly talked with 20, 30, 40 year old older siblings. Since there is not interaction among Haitian educators, I am struggling with the issues of discussing a child’s progress with older siblings. I am familiar with the extended family relationships. On the other hand, there should be a bond and relation with the present biological parent. Also, when a child’s interactions with other children have impact in the classroom, outside at recess, in the cafeteria, he/she attracts others’ attention.

Men’s biological make up allow them to father children at 60, 70, or 80. The fact that they will leave young orphans or less likely to see their grand children is not the sole concern, but the housing, educational, and social implications of their elementary school age offsprings are also alarming.

Hence, as Father’s Day is being celebrated, Haitian community stakeholders need to think of what can be done to prevent young Haitian mothers from dying and leaving under age orphans to the care of widowed fathers. Let’s also see how collectively we are providing educationally, socially, and emotionally for those single fathers who are raising young children alone because of immigration policies that don’t allow their children’s mothers to enter the U.S legally. Society may need to think of how to educate men so there will be less orphans from the “senior” fathers. In other words, should there be a recommended age which men should stop fathering children?

Finally, I want to wish a Happy Father’s Day to all those aforementioned special fathers, to the uncles, older brothers, grandfathers, respected male elders, and all the positive father figures in the Haitian milieu.

Nekita Lamour is an educator and essayist. She is a regular contributor to the Reporter.

© Nekita Lamour